Darkness Will Not Stop Me (Part 2)

Written by: Ralph Twombly

Published: March 2016

Darkness Will Not Stop Me

Answers this time

Part II continued from March 2016

Spring has officially sprung and I hope you are getting out and enjoying the spring weather with the ones that you love.

Last month I promised that I would continue the dialog about what each leader can do to combat the darkness that seems to be a part of our daily lives. 

More evidence that things are changing.

From the Economist comes this http://www.economist.com/blogs/theworldin2014/2013/12/social-unrest-2014

"Declines in income and high unemployment are not always followed by unrest. Only when economic trouble is accompanied by other elements of vulnerability is there a high risk of instability. Such factors include wide income-inequality, poor government, low levels of social provision, ethnic tensions and a history of unrest. Of particular importance in sparking unrest in recent times appears to have been an erosion of trust in governments and institutions: a crisis of democracy."

Small things can make big differences… 

What are your core values and beliefs?

I have come to believe that being hopeful or feelings of hopelessness are choices for most of us.  How we see the events around us depends on how we choose to view our power to impact those events.  For instance, if you see Muslim Americans as a threat, you will be frightened each time you encounter Muslim Americans.  If, on the other hand, you see this audience as part of our ever-changing world in which we need to find common ground, you may find yourself standing next to a Muslim American as you give food to the needy in a soup kitchen.  That said, let me be the first to tell you that since 911 I have had a bias and, because of my military and social background, it has been easy to justify.  At least in my own mind.  I’m sure our ancestors who locked Japanese Americans away during WWII could give similar justifications.  We live our lives through our core beliefs.  Those core beliefs exhibit themselves in our attitudes and approaches and finally are seen by the world through our actions and behaviors.  See the model below.

What to do about our core values and beliefs if they don’t serve us.

My uncle Ralph was legendary for being the guy who could cut out all the "bull" and pinpoint a simple yet obvious solution.  One time I mentioned that I was putting on weight due to a new more sedentary job I had taken.  Right to the point Uncle Ralph said, "Stop eating so much."  Uncle Ralph…in Georgia they might say, "Bless his heart."

As I mentioned above, the core belief that Muslim Americans are a threat has no positive outcome for me or for the Muslim Americans.  If I am hoping for a positive outcome, the belief will hinder me.  I can fake it under the umbrellas of having the brain power to manage my behavior but it doesn’t really change anything and this is big.  All things in our behavior spring from these core beliefs and not in the opposite direction.  As Uncle Ralph might say, "Stop!" 

Changing core beliefs can be really hard work, but the alternative sounds even more difficult. 

As a leader (someone worthy of followers), why do the change?

Easy answer.  People are watching and modeling what they see in you.  This brings me back to the whole idea of incivility in our society and the modest role of leaders to change it.  In other words, if you change, so will they.  There is a deeper reason; all our attitudes, approaches, behaviors and actions spring from this dark blue section of our lives.  Change this and you change everything including your leadership impact. 

How do I change so that I makes a difference?

Do you remember Jerry McGuire (Tom Cruise) and the mission statement that got him fired?  Being a sports agent he began to wonder about the value of what he was doing.  This wonder began to eat away at him until he was unhappy and personally at the edge of his own sanity.  He believed in something more than just making money and until he got it down on paper he couldn't discuss it.  After he did, he had to live it.  As you will remember, this cost him his job at the big sports agency.  No one said it was the easiest way to go, but whoever said that it should be easy.  In fact someone once told me that "The best things in life are really hard." I know, this is real life and not Jerry McGuire.  Or... maybe it is.

Identify what you believe first.  Ask yourself:

• What do I really believe and how does it serve me?
• If people follow what I believe, what difference will it make?
• Am I willing to fight for what I believe?
• Write it down! Then, write it again and again until you refine all the words that seem true or more accurate and you are left with something you can tell anyone. 
• Finally, talk to people about what you believe. In case you didn’t know, they really care what you believe.  Silence is not the answer.

You’re not done. Return to your new values and beliefs statement and ask yourself:

• How will my values be reflected in my attitudes and approaches?
• What will people see in my behavior and actions that reflect my beliefs and values?
• How will I know?

The journey begins here.  For all of you Simon Sinek followers here is a reminder:

"Trust is maintained when values and beliefs are actively managed. If companies do not actively work to keep clarity, discipline and consistency in balance, then trust starts to break down.

 

If you hire people just because they can do a job, they’ll work for your money. But if you hire people who believe what you believe, they’ll work for you with blood and sweat and tears."
-Simon Sinek

Warmest regards,

Ralph Twombly

In the 20 years since starting Priority Learning, Ralph has facilitated countless learning experiences and has conducted training for thousands of managers and leaders. With over 30 years of leadership development and organizational development background and work, Ralph continues to build relationships with client companies all over the U.S.